From the Plains to the Depths

"It’s dark in here.

And all I know is fear.

It’s storming outside.

The rain matched the tears I cried.

It’s cold inside my heart.

My mind and soul feel ripped apart.

All I feel is pain.

It runs through every vein.

I hold tight my pillow at night.

Praying for the light.

I don’t know what to do.

I wish I knew.

I don’t know what to say.

I don’t want to be the prey.

I want to feel safe.

I want to be loved.

I want to be someone’s beloved.

This pain lives in my head.

Am I really alive or am I dead?

In death does the pain stop?

The venom cuts me apart nonstop.

I’d like that very much.

I’d like to be free of the devil’s touch.

But where will I go?

Do you not know?

Will I be free?

Will I finally escape me?

Will there be angels?

Will there be better expectations?

Do I have to look a certain way?

What is the price I have to pay?

When I get to heaven—

No, I don’t blame your discretion.

I don’t have to look a certain way.

But for my soul, I had to pay.

There will be no angels.

Only worse expectations.

I will not be free.

Nor will I escape me.

Where will I go?

I suppose I know.

I am not alive but dead.

The pain will always live in my head.

I don’t like this very much.

Now I’ve felt the real devil’s touch.

This is not death; the pain will not stop.

That venom will always cut me nonstop.

Here I am not loved.

I am no one’s beloved.

Here I am not safe.

I don’t want to be prey.

There’s nothing left to say.

I don’t know what to do.

I wish I knew.

There is no pillow to hold at night.

Praying won’t bring me light.

There is a new kind of pain.

The kind that doesn’t run through a vein.

My mind and soul are miles apart.

I don’t think I have a heart.

No traces of those who ever cried.

I wish it would be storming outside.

I thought that I knew fear.

I only learned what it was when it got dark here."

Written by Malin N. Hohenberger